Writing as Procrastination

Do you ever have those days where your To Do List is so long that you’re completely overwhelmed? So instead of tackling the list you find something to do that’s not even on it?

Yeah, me either.

Truthfully, this post is in direct response to the pile of mail on my desk, the pile of laundry that needs attention (oh laundry, why must you vex me so?), the pile of bills that needs paying, and the pile of poo that a Mama of young kids often finds herself up to the elbows in.

Rest assured, the diaper has been changed. As for the laundry, work and bills, no thank you. Maybe if I’m polite enough it will all just go away so I can take a nap.

Some days, like today where I can use writing as a brain dump and a procrastination technique all at once, I love it. I relish it. I crave it like chocolate. Ok, maybe less than chocolate but still. Rats! Now I’ve just convinced myself to procrastinate writing by finding chocolate. 

Sheesh.

Other days I get so angry at writing I could just wring its scrawny little neck. Stop tormenting me already! I just wrote yesterday! I can skip a day, right? Quit flirting with me, calling me like a siren to her sailors. Don’t tease me, offering a reprieve from my daily workload only to turn me away with nothing to show on paper for my efforts.

The writing life is something that’s always followed me around like a little lost pup. I could ignore it for so long before I had to take action. (You can buy the resulting book of my action taking here.) And now that I’m writing and speaking about topics important to me (like adoption and PTSD), it’s become my pet. Writing has become my passion and distraction.

I know there are a thousand other things I should be doing right now, but putting words from my mind to the paper is like meeting an old friend for coffee. It’s time well spent, a relief to pick up where you left off, and a warm fuzzy for the heart.

I really wish this didn’t have to end. 

Copyright Meredith Shafer 2015

 

 

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Not Ready

We’re packing our bags to go home. I find that though I’m ready to see all my babies and be in my own space again, I’m not ready to leave these relaxed vacation feelings behind. Please don’t judge me, but I’m so not ready to have responsibility other than my own needs yet. I’m not ready for the weight that is my world.

I still have a few hours of weightlessness yet. Some of it will be used up by sleep. As much as I love sleep I’d rather spend my last free moments leaving the house spontaneously or shopping or smooching Mr. Wonderful wherever and whenever I feel like it without eight eyeballs watching or a chorus of “Mamas” every minute and a half.

I’m so grateful for time free from being a grownup. This is a hard gig, one that I feel ill-equipped for most days. Between all the kids, jobs, book promotion, PTSD, events, lessons, homework, groceries, laundry and bills I feel like I’m drowning sometimes. This week has given me a chance to breathe air again.

Believe you me, I’m sucking it down like breathing is going out of style. I’m cramming every moment of this getaway with Mr. Wonderful full of fun and laughing and reconnecting and smiling for no reason and food runs and silly pictures with large inanimate objects and eating candy and ruining my dinner with dessert first.

And I’m going to try my hardest to keep some of this lightness, some of this vacation mindset for my real life. Steal kisses from Mr. Wonderful. Smile at nothing and everything. Ruin my dinner with ice cream. So that my kids will see Mama, not Mama with responsibilities weighing her down but Mama ´╗┐embracing them while sailing thru and finding reasons to be joyful. Free. Light.

I’m not ready, but by tomorrow I will be.

´╗┐´╗┐

Copyright Meredith Shafer 2015